Fred
07-04-2003, 06:20 PM
The following were answers provided by 6th graders
during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
the best humor is in the misspelling.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and
they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that
all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea
where they made unleavened bread, which is
bread made without any ingredients. Moses went
up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered
him because they thought he was going to be
made king. Dying, he gasped out:
"Tee hee, Brutus."
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started
smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies,
all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are
an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish
was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The
next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and
he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children.
In between, he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to
the present. Bach was the most famous
composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian, and half English. He
was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long
walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped
reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused
a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the
work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered
a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx
became one of the Marx Brothers.
during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of
the best humor is in the misspelling.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and
they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that
all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea
where they made unleavened bread, which is
bread made without any ingredients. Moses went
up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered
him because they thought he was going to be
made king. Dying, he gasped out:
"Tee hee, Brutus."
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started
smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies,
all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are
an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish
was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The
next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote
Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and
he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large number of children.
In between, he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to
the present. Bach was the most famous
composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian, and half English. He
was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long
walks in the forest even when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped
reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused
a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the
work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered
a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx
became one of the Marx Brothers.