hehe

[metal aunt]

For those of us who watch what we eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Being American is apparently what
kills you.

[metal aunt]

THE LOVE DRESS

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's
house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the
room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for
my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!" "My husband LOVEs me
to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and romances me for hours on end. He can't get
enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got
home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the
couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband
came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my
LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

[metal aunt]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown
in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance
9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2, and
NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:
/I/THOUGHT/YOU/LOVED/ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please
remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create
SnoringLoudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall
another Boyfriend program. These are not supported
applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially
cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program Girlfriend 9.2, which runs
in the background and has
been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating
System.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to enhance this system's performance. I
personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5, combined
with such applications as that old stand-by Lingerie 6.9(which has been
credited with improved performance of this hardware).

Good luck,
Tech Support

[fuhgedaboutit]

Tequila, love dress and boyfriend 6.0...Works for me! LOL

As I am always on the cutting edge, I upgraded bf5 > bf6 :shock:
________
FISTING VIDS (http://www.fucktube.com/categories/20/fisting/videos/1)